Muffins
by Wednesdayite13
Summary: The Wraith contact the Elite Guard and Vampirella has slight processor damage. To top it all off, Vampirella's human friends come along with her to a Hive ship and Vampirella recieved a death threat at school. Oh happy days.
1. Wraith

**I got a death threat at school today, and that's inspired me to write this. She wants to poison me. Like I'm gonna eat something she gives me. "Hi I hate you, here's a muffin."  
It's a POV thing. I've been writing a lot of those recently.  
Transformers/Stargate  
OK. I don't own any characters I am about to use apart from Vampirella. Stella, Taryn, Rachel Millward and Mr Drury belong to themselves.**

* * *

What's yours is ours and what's mine's me own

**Megatron's POV  
**  
Hate. "I rarely hate people. I don't even hate all our enemies. But there are a handful of people I hate with a passion. Lockdown is number one. I think all the Cyberninjas out there feel the same way. Number two will remain unnamed, but I think you all know who she is. I got a death threat at school today. She wants to poison me. Like I will ever eat something she gives me. 'Hi, I hate you, have a muffin' Hoodies and stretchers. That's the way to do it. If you're gonna kill someone, do it properly! And number three is Sean Bean. Do you get what I'm saying? Now there are plenty of people out there, as you know, who's heads I will gladly rip off and attach to my dartboard. Mostly because they did something to upset one of my friends. But there are only three people in all the worlds I've been to who I'd do it for me. Now I apologize if this hasn't made much sense, it's the best I can do with a bang to the head. But I'm still carrying on the best I can. So what I'm saying now is WE'VE GOT THE TOUCH!" What a way to end a speech.

My youngest creation has grown up to be so confident. She didn't even let a death threat get to her. Although I will personally step on the person who dared threaten my little Vampirella. Talking of the devil...  
"Ugh I feel dizzy." She staggered up to us. I know it might sound horrible but she did look hilarious.  
"Haha you look drunk!" Skywarp laughed.  
"Love you too Warp." Vampirella then raised her servo to push her hair back before her best friend, Taryn, grabbed hold of her arm.  
"No no." Vampirella kept forgetting that she bashed her head (to be honest she kept forgetting about a lot of stuff).  
That was when Knockout appeared from nowhere. "V how's your head?"  
"AAH!" He clearly surprised her. "It hurts and I feel dizzy and I look drunk when I walk!"

**Stella's POV**

Having a human enemy is nice, isn't it? Makes a change from normal everyday life. Well, Vampirella already has human enemies but it's not the same. This one isn't trying to kill us...Well she is, but unlike M.E.C.H. she has no chance.  
"Elise, here's something you need to remember for married life." It's not what it sounds like! "What's yours is ours and what's mine's me own." Nice tip from Vampirella there.  
"Good idea V!" Taryn, who was stood next to me, laughed. We had just been saying how we want to start a flash mob in a random shop somewhere. I have no idea where this conversation came from.

Now we were with the Elite Guard in their flag ship. Didn't miss much at school, apart from the death threats. Vampirella saw Mr Drury, we talked about Spanish and she spoke Russian at me.  
"We had a thingy from the thingies." Vampirella said. She really wasn't doing well with words was she?  
"I understand." Shockwave nodded.  
"We had a thingy when they erm like talk to you but they're not there when we see it." She tried again.  
"Message." Shockwave urged her on.  
"From those things with the awesome long hair apart from that bald one which is besides the point." No-one knew what the hell she was on about at this point. She carried on. "Those guys who feed from humans with their hands." I still had no idea, neither did Rachel. Taryn looked like she might and so did the rest of the Elite Guard.  
"We had a message from the Wraith." Shockwave said.  
Vampirella looked up. "That's what I said."

**Vampirella's POV**

Aah I'm in a homicidal mood! Nobody threatens to kill me! How come when you crack a joint you say ow even if it doesn't hurt?  
"Are you sure we should go?" Skywarp asked. "I mean no offense sis but you're not exactly all with it right now."  
"Am I ever?" I asked him. He nodded. "Fair point. But just be careful!"  
"Don't worry I will." I won't

So the Steelhaven doors opened in that dramatic and typical alien sort of way to reveal a group of Wraith pointing their guns at us.  
"Woah! Please allow us to introduce ourselves." Mirage said, raising his servos to show he wasn't armed. Well actually he had two of the things.  
"I'm a man." Let me explain. _Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man..._That's as far as I can get. But the Wraith don't know that. They probably think I'm insane.  
"So who are you?" Asked one of them.  
"I am Tarka Dal." I'm sorry! I can't be serious!  
Mirage began the introductions and then some other stuff was said but I couldn't focus and my mind went elsewhere. Not literally. Eventually I heard the words "Any questions?" So I responded in the most serious and official way I could. "Why does the river not flow?"


	2. Serious Vampirella?

**Rachel's POV**

How the hell did we end up here?! We're human! And they decide to bring us to a ship full of alien-people who feed on humans! Good thinking!  
"Ray they're not gonna eat you!" Vampirella tried to reassure me. Coming from anyone else, it may have worked. But Vampirella? No.  
"We simply wish to talk." Said one of the Wraiths. I think that's the one they call Todd. I know Vampirella always said he belonged in Kiss. Paul Stanely? I don't know. I don't know who that is. Probably someone from one of those rock bands Vampirella likes. She said she always gets Kiss in her head when she sees him so I assume he's from that band.  
"Yeah listen to the guy with the awesome voice!" I'm not quite sure Vampirella realized that the Wraith would have heard that. He certainly seemed amused.

**Normal POV**

Vampirella's version of Karma Chameleon. "I'm_ a man, at least I think so. I'm a mad, though you wouldn't know. I'm a man, that's what they tell me. Let's have a look. Oh I don't know!" _Now that song will be stuck in everyone's heads. Mwuahaha!

**Taryn's POV**

"I think humans are tastier than Cybertronians." Vampirella came out with. What a thing to say! "What do you think?" She asked the Wraiths.  
"We have never had the opportunity to feed upon a Cybertronian now you have all turned human." Said the one with a star tattoo around his eye.. "I should give it a try...maybe...possibly." He moved closer to Vampirella, who was now tense. "What is that I sense? Nervous antici..." He then put his hands on Vampirella's shoulders, which made her jump. "...pation!" Wow this Wraith has good humor!  
"I am never speaking to you again." She walked away and helped herself to a piece of fruit, before deciding she'd prefer a moth. I could tell because she had that same look she always had when she was about to eat a moth. I don't think she quite realized that there would be no moths on a Wraith ship.  
I watched her as she stood up, took a piece of paper and pen from her bag (that finger pen that everyone loves) and walked nearer the two Wraiths. "Can I borrow your Second in Command? Thank you very much." Ha! She didn't wait for an answer, I love it when she does that! She put the paper on the Second in Command's (Kenny I think?) back and started writing.  
"So you move away from the table to lean on his back?" Knockout asked.  
Vampirella nodded, as if it was a perfectly normal thing to do. "Of course! I need to lean on something!"  
The Wraith looked behind him slowly. "Get off my back!"

**Vampirella's POV**

****So I finished my maths homework, Kenny straightened up once I removed the paper from his back, and then went back to the table so I could write my name on it. Then I realized that I just repeated half of the questions I did in class when I got bored. Grrr! That's not the first time I did that!  
"So anyway how was your day?" Megatron asked me.  
"Oh the usual." I replied. "Mr Doohicky is in love with my calculator. He keeps stealing it from me and just looking at it. Next time I'm gonna sing _can you feel the love tonight._" His name isn't Mr Doohicky. I call him that coz his name is Dockerty or Doherty or something like that. He's quite nice. Not as nice as Herr Tight-jeans or Mr Orange-juicebut still pretty nice.

I was doing my Science homework about Animal Kingdoms, this is GCSE Triple Science, one of which is fish.  
"Fish don't exist!" I told the Wraith.  
Todd was stood behind me. "Well what is that then?" He asked pointing at a picture of a fish.  
"What? I don't see anything. Snakes mate by wrapping themselves round each other and male snakes have two doodahs and skunks are nocturnal."  
"That had nothing to do with anything!" Mirage yelled.  
I was gonna think of something clever but a banging noise coming from Primus knows where distracted us. Next time Mirage! Next time!

**Stella's POV**

"What was that?!" Vampirella asked. Wow are we going to finally see the never before seen serious Vampirella?  
"I do not know." Kenny said. Yes! I memorized his name quicker than Vampirella memorized my birthday. She may have had a crack to the head and has blank spots in her memory but 24th September is drilled in her head. "But I guess we are under attack."  
"Why does Cinderella's shoe remain glass after midnight if her clothes are supposed to turn back to normal?" Vampirella asked. I guess we're not going to see serious Vampirella just yet.


	3. Stolen Nyan Cat

**Later that day:**

**Kenny's POV**

I have heard a lot about Vampirella. It was just like her to bash her head on a piece of metal which she forgot was there. It was also just like her to get impaled on part of a Hive shipwreck. And, of course, I was the one stuck treating her. Oh well, at least she was not awake.  
"Haha you have fun looking hair." Well as the humans would say, spoke too soon on that one.  
"How are you feeling?" I asked her.  
"OK. I wanna hug someone!" I was warned beforehand about her.  
"Well then I will find you someone."  
She sighed. "You are so anti-social."  
"Oh I am anti-social? You cannot say that!"  
"Well I just did."  
"Wait, how does my hair look fun?" I asked, soon regretting it.  
She laughed like a patient in a mental hospital, before running her fingers through my hair, then giggling again. "Hehe see? Fun."  
How? How was that fun?!

**Jazz's POV**

Haha we left Todd's second in command with Vampirella. Poor him.  
He walked in the room, looking seriously fed up. "Can someone please explain to me what a heffalump is?"  
I laughed. "It's an elephant. Did she tell you about the _heffalump _which would run around telling you to not forget?" He nodded. "Is she on some sort of medication?"  
I laughed again. "Haha it wouldn't surprise me if she secretly was."  
"She said I have fun hair."  
Trust her. "Did she run her fingers through it?" He nodded again.  
"Oh and she delighted me with the history of _Nyan Cat_."  
"He had a history?"  
"Oh yes. Apparently a Japanese girl with blue hair sang it first. Then someone came up with the equation that Cat+Pop tart=epic. Her words, not mine. So he initiated the program but there was a system overload due to too much epicness so the computer attempted to create the equation and then the boy got a face full of rainbow."  
I burst out laughing. "Oh just ignore her, we all do."

**Shockwave's POV**

I wanted to know how Vampirella was doing, but I left as I found her doing the Caramelldansen. An obsession an annoying-what's a nice word?-bitch copied. Well, at least she was fine.  
"NYAN CAT IS STOLEN!" She yelled. Yes, that was definitely my cue to leave.  
"Wait, Shockwave. I got a signal of some sort. Have a look." She threw me her phone. I looked at the signal. No. It couldn't be.


End file.
